How much do you really value your health and your life?
Happy Winter to You!
I don’t know about you, but I can’t believe there are only a few weeks left of 2021! This is a great time of year to give gratitude for everything you can and it’s also a great time to contemplate about what you want for yourself and your life as the new year quickly approaches.
It can be so hard to be positive when you have been dealing with a chronic illness, wanting so badly to just feel better again and even doubting your ability to heal. I want you to know that you are NOT broken and you CAN heal!
In fact, anyone can heal but many times we unknowingly get in our own way when it comes to doing what we need to do to get the results we want. I want to take a few minutes to talk about the real secret sauce behind those who are successful in overcoming their chronic illness, whether its a mental health condition, neurodegenerative disease, autoimmune condition, or any health issue you just can’t seem to work past – so that you can become aware of any barriers to your healing and health that may be in the way, that you are just not aware of.
How many of you would like to eliminate your illness, whatever that might be, in 2022? How many of you would like to lose weight? Reverse your diabetes? Improve your sleep? Your mental health struggles? Your autoimmune disease? How many of you have done ‘all the work’ to heal your gut, yet you are still constipated?!
We all want our health and vitality back, we all want that great family life, to be on-purpose, maybe even a thriving career, to FEEL joy, to feel safe, to feel peace and we all know pretty much what we have to do to achieve our goals – if we haven’t figured it out in our heads, we DO know it in our hearts (our spirit, our higher self – because all the answers are within us).
When we believe we do know the answers, we intend to do the things we need to do to have the successful outcome we want but many of us sabotage ourselves. We take action on the things that will get us the outcomes sometimes. Other times we only take action in the direction of success for a while and then something gets in the way (as it always does) and before we know it we are doing the opposite of what we know we need to in order to get the results we want… we in essence become incongruent – saying we want one thing but doing another. We put everything else as a priority. We take that vacation to that wonderful fantasy place called ‘Someday Isle’. We’ll say ‘Someday I’ll start my exercise program, or ‘Once I put my kids through college I’ll work on my own health.’ I have personally heard every excuse out there. Probably 80% of the population lives on ‘Someday Isle’ most of the time. Is it a coincidence that about 80% of the population are also sick? Everyone has good intentions, but the road to nowhere is paved with good intentions.
Brian Tracy, New York Times best selling author of ‘No Excuses, The Power of Self Discipline’ says the first rule of success is to VOTE YOURSELF OFF THE ISLAND. No more excuses!
He goes on to talk about self discipline and how it takes a lot of work and it’s the development of the habit of self discipline that creates a huge part of the success in attaining the outcomes people say they want for themselves.
While self discipline is important, I see something deeper that is going on. You see, habits can’t be created out of sheer will. In fact, even those with strong discipline often struggle to change some of their habits. So what is it then that 20% of the people who are not on ‘someday isle’ are doing? What is their secret to success? How are they actually changing their habits and actions to be congruent with what they say they want, whether it’s getting their health back, their relationships back, whatever?
Many years ago I also experienced this myself. As a single mom I secretly felt jealous and sorry for myself that I didn’t have a husband to take care of my son and I. I felt like I didn’t belong with the happy mom’s who got to play on the tennis team together, or have girls night out dinner together – I felt like I was an imposter every time I dropped my kid off at school and had to interact with all the other mom’s who had time to chat with each other in the mornings. I wanted a different life and couldn’t understand why, if I worked so hard, if I had so much love and integrity for others, why I was struggling. In every area of my life. Financial struggles, working all the time to make ends meet, not meeting the ‘right’ guy, struggling with depression, mind racing, anxiety, and… negative self talk.
In fact, I was full of negative self-talk. I didn’t feel worthy. Worthy of an amazing partner, worthy of having a thriving career where I could make a difference in the world. I didn’t feel worthy of deep connection. I believed that sacrifice was the way to getting what I wanted for myself and my son. The truth is – that belief system and the way I perceived the events in my life almost killed me. It took me losing my three practices, my house, my memory, my ability to speak, and my relationship with my son for me to finally hit ‘rock bottom’.
I remember sitting in my car the day I left my house because it was going to be auctioned off the next week. I couldn’t even afford to put anything in storage. So it was a basket of clothes, some photos, and my dog… in my car. The pain in my mind, my spirit, my heart. The shame and guilt that I didn’t try hard enough, that I didn’t sacrifice enough was overwhelming and dying was the only way out – at least that’s what I thought at that moment. I really wanted to die. It was the only solution I could think of.
My life is so different now. In fact, it’s hard to believe that it was me struggling like that. People ask me how I was able to get my health back, find the most amazing partner ever, and how I built the most comprehensive data driven health coaching company in the world and my answer is simple. I learned to put myself FIRST. I learned to love myself enough to treat myself the way I would want to be taken care of and treated.
I became aware that even though my actions were mostly congruent with what I said I wanted, my thoughts were not. And my thoughts literally created my reality. I was the one in charge of my reality and my outcomes but I was unaware that I was sabotaging myself because of the way I perceived myself and the world around me and because my thoughts were manifesting into my reality. I had NO IDEA I was suffering because of me!
Now I look back on my past with so much gratitude. Gratitude because I see so much contrast between then and now. Gratitude because I learned that the power to transform my finances, my health, my relationships, my life – all were inside me! I had all the answers, I had all the power, it was within me my whole life – and when I learned this, my life completely transformed.
I have been into the depths of depression and despair. And I have lived to tell about it and not only to tell about it, to share my story and give hope to others, but to reach out my hand to help anyone who wants the same transformation in their life.
It starts with you. Taking that first step. Putting yourself first. Taking action in the direction of what you want and becoming aware of your beliefs and thoughts to make sure they also are congruent with what you desire. If you’ve been in the throes of despair and hardship and illness for many years, your mind and your beliefs and what you say to yourself both conscious and unconscious are likely not congruent with what you say you want. You may also be aware (or not) that your actions are not congruent with the outcomes you want either.
So once you become aware, what do you do next? Forcing a habit change doesn’t work long term – until you change the belief that created the habit in the first place. Changing your thoughts also isn’t that easy because you have wired your neurology to think and perceive in a certain manner (that may not be serving you any longer).
One of the biggest barriers to healing, in fact, is our perception of ourselves and the world around us, how we talk to ourselves, what we believe about ourselves, and our resistance to changing our beliefs and perceptions! If you are one of those people, you are amongst the majority so don’t worry about it. It’s human nature to resist change – there’s actually science behind that! Even when you want a change in your life, if it requires you doing something you’ve never done before, it is likely you will resist. The thing is, now that you know this secret, what are you going to do about it?
I was on a call with a new client the other day. She came to us looking for help. While on the call with her she shared how she believes she is going to die, that she is full of despair, anxiety, depression, that her body isn’t functioning, and that most recently she developed a germ-phobia and started spraying her car with Lysol and literally poisoned herself! She now is having anaphylaxis reactions even to her water! She’s been in the hospital once already (spending over $1500 for that visit where they gave her steroids to open her airways so she could breath) and has had the ambulance out to her house six times in the last two weeks!
As she shared her story with me, I actually had to hold back tears because I was overcome with emotion that she was struggling the way she was and was actually poisoning herself with Lysol. I was thinking of the massive neurological damage that is going to happen to her if she doesn’t detox those toxins out of her body ASAP. Not only is this woman very physically ill, she has a history of trauma (100% of all of us do!) and it’s a fact that those with unresolved trauma end up with chronic disease, mental health disorders and other serious health issues.
I recently launched our newest masterclass on Trauma in October. If you haven’t seen it, we will be relaunching it in February. If you don’t understand how Trauma can make you sick, stay on the lookout for an invite when we launch again in February. I go through all the science behind how unprocessed emotions and trauma make you sick, unable to heal, and even change your DNA.
So back to my story about this woman who poisoned herself with Lysol because of her new fear of ‘germs’… Toward the end of the call I told her I would help her. I explained to her what she needed to do to get those toxins out of her body, how we would be right there with her helping her, how we would retest along the way so she could see her own progress, how we were going to work with her gut and her immune system to get her body to stop having anaphylactic reactions and how we definitely were going to do extensive work around her traumas, her unprocessed emotions, and her mindset and belief systems (because there is no amount of will power that is going to get her to stop poisoning herself out of fear of germs).
I offered her a solution that would literally save her life AND give her health back – both her physical and mental health. She said she needed to talk to her kids and husband first. I sent her all the details of what we would do – our plan of action to help her, and she said she would get back to me. She reached out to my office a couple of days later to let them know she wasn’t going to take action on her health.
Was I shocked? Absolutely not. Why? Because it’s human nature. People say they want change but they don’t take action to be congruent with the change they want. So what happens? They stay stuck on their hamster wheel (or ‘Someday Isle’) getting the same results. 80% of the human population stays on ‘Someday Isle’ most of the time.
This is a perfect example of how so many of us sabotage ourselves, without fully realizing what we are doing. What’s going to happen to her the next time her throat swells? Will she make it to the hospital in time? Will she need more serious intervention that will cost her thousands more than the investment she could have made in actually fixing her underlying issues? Time will tell.
Let’s talk about the other 20%. 20% of the population (this includes our clients) have jumped off that ‘island that leads to nowhere’ and have actually gotten their health and their life back, 10 fold. Like me, they don’t even recognize their past selves and how they were living and thinking the way they were before.
What did it take for them to achieve what others haven’t? They became aware. Aware of how they were treating themselves. Aware of how they were talking to themselves. Aware that their beliefs were not congruent with their desires. And most importantly, they became aware of their lack of self love.
Learning to love ourselves and put ourselves first is the hardest thing most of us will ever learn or even master, yet it will give you the BIGGEST return on your investment that you will EVER have. For most, without their joy and their health, life isn’t worth living. Without really knowing what self love feels like, they come to understand that they can’t truly express their love to anyone else.
The good news here is that you CAN heal. In body, in mind, and in spirit. You can repattern your neurology to stop the negative, self-sabotaging self talk, the feelings of anger, fear, shame, guilt, and sadness. You can heal from your trauma without you having to re-experience your old stories. Your body can and does heal when you do this work and when you identify and remove all the other barriers to healing.
You have the power to heal in every capacity and to do that, your first step is – taking the first step! What are you doing in your actions and thoughts that is congruent (on the same path) to take you to the destination you are seeking?
It doesn’t matter where you are, how long you have struggled, or how bad it may seem. There is always hope and your hope starts from within you and what you choose to believe about yourself and how you decide to show up for YOU.
I invite you to do a little exercise. This exercise that I am sharing with you is something that our clients learn. It’s something we teach them that has profound effects on their physical body and their mind and spirit. It’s something that I learned that completely changed how I see myself and the world around me and it ultimately led me into a completely new and amazing life filled with joy, healing, health, … everything I had desired so deeply for my entire life.
I’m not saying that this one exercise was magic or that my life transformed instantly. I wish it were that easy. What I am saying is that this exercise I am about to share with you was so profound for me and it is so profound for our clients, that it is powerful enough to help you take that next step, and the next, and the next, in the direction of manifestation of your desires.
Close your eyes. Now imagine your little girl/boy self as far back as you can remember. For me it was when I was three years old, hiding under the dining table watching my parents yelling at each other. When I first recalled this memory of myself, as far back as I could remember, I could see little Elena and she was lonely. She was scared. She felt unsafe. She was so cute with her chubby little cheeks and her 1970’s bowl cut hair style. She had on her favorite little red and blue plaid dress. Her eyes were looking down because she was so sad and lonely. She was upset to hear her mom and dad unhappy. As I recalled this memory I walked over to my little 3 year old self and said, “Hey Elena, it’s me. I’m sorry you’ve had to wait so long but I am here now. It’s ok, you are not alone. I love you so much, Elena.” In my mind I bent down and picked her up and held her and I could feel her release the tension and tremors in her body. She said to me, “ I have been so lonely waiting for you and I am so glad you finally came back for me.”
Then together we went to find my little 5 year old self. As my little 3 year old self and I walked up to her, we could see she recognized us with a surprised and delighted look on her little face. I picked her up in my other arm and the three of us hugged and cried and I told my little 5 year old self, “Little Elena, I am here now and I am so sorry you had to wait so long.” Tears rolled down my cheeks as I imagined telling her how much I love her and that I will always be here for her and never leave, and that she is safe here with me now. My little 5 year old self replied as she held me tight, “I am so glad you are here. I have been so lonely waiting for you. Thank you for loving me!”
As I continued my journey with my little 3 year old self and my little 5 year old self, picking up all the little Elena’s that had been lonely, scared, and scattered across decades I could literally feel my body shift. It would shake, jerk, yawn, cry, take deep breaths… I could feel my body coming back to life. It was the first time in my life that I felt that intensity of love and joy. I realized that because I had never felt this depth of love for myself or anyone or anything, I didn’t have a gauge to understand what an intense feeling of love really could feel like. They say that until you truly and deeply love yourself, you can’t truly love another. I never understood this and embodied this until the day I went back for all my little selves to pick them up and allow my heart and my soul to love them and to receive their love. That was the day I learned what deep love felt like and that experience was profound enough to help me take the next step, and the next, and the next.
This is just one of the handful of profound experiences our clients have when they go through our mind, body, spirit integration programs and our comprehensive mind, body restoration programs. Loving yourself is one of the most powerful medicines you can experience and it’s the key and the secret sauce to real and sustainable healing and health.
I invite you to do this exercise and experience what emotions come up. Can you allow yourself to feel the emotions deeply? How does your body react when you allow yourself to truly and deeply feel whatever comes up when you go back to pick up your little baby selves, to hold them, to protect them, and to love them? What does it feel like to open your heart to yourself? What does it feel like to allow yourself to receive intense love from your baby selves?
As we go into the holidays I invite you to take action. Take action to practice self love. Take action to create a roadmap for yourself – so that you can see if you are really being congruent in your actions, beliefs, and self talk so that you can actualize your desires for yourself, no matter in what area you have desires. You have the power. You are driving the car. No one else is responsible for your life and your outcomes but you. No one is responsible for your ability to heal but you.
And please, reach out to us if you’ve done this exercise. Tell us your story! We love hearing from you.
Sending you inspiration, hope, and strength through Love.